[00:00.00]90听音乐网 www.90T8.com [00:00.12]Haikus/sonnet/shakespeare - Bo Burnham [00:00.75]We've been doing a lot of laughing [00:02.53]Which is good, uh, for a comedy show on a comedy CD, but what we haven't been doing is a lot of thinking [00:06.70]And I'd like to do that now, I've written some haikus [00:08.59]Haikus are Japanese poems consisting of 17 syllables, three lines [00:12.31]Five, seven, five [00:13.48]And I find them to have a certain [00:15.13]Philosophical construct, there's a certain, uh [00:17.59]Soundness in their simplicity, a clearness in their cogency, if you will [00:20.65]So hopefully what we'll do right now is read these haikus, think for a bit [00:24.46]And then when we go back, uh, to the [00:26.74]You know, the jokes and the laughing [00:28.51]They'll have benefited, uh, from the time we took to think [00:31.81]So um, you guys just sit back and indulge me and just think for a bit and then we'll go back to the jokes [00:36.37]Uh, can I get some blue light to set the mood? [00:41.21]Perfect [00:42.51]For those of you listening on CD, the lights didn't change which made it funny [00:59.12]I saw a rainbow [01:00.48]On the day my grandma died [01:03.68]F**kin' lesbian [01:12.78](Ding) [01:17.32]For fifteen cents a [01:18.49]Day you can feed an African [01:22.14]They eat pennies [01:23.64](Ding) [01:31.76]Old peoples' skin sags [01:33.47]Because it's being pulled toward [01:34.82]The underworld [01:37.28](Ding) [01:43.76]Do unto others [01:45.59]As you would have them do to you [01:49.09]Said the rapist [01:52.99](Ding) [01:56.93]My aunt used to say [02:00.53]Slow and steady wins the race [02:07.51]She died in a fire [02:11.92](Ding) [02:16.81]Even if he is [02:17.68]Your friend, never, ever call [02:20.05]An Asian person [02:24.56](Ding) [02:32.74]And finally [02:34.61]Bono, if you want [02:35.85]To help poor people, sell your [02:37.29]Tinted shades, you cunt [02:42.54](Ding) [02:49.83]Thank you, this next piece is called "Sonnet 155", or "If Shakespeare Had Written a Porn", and it goes like this [02:55.92]I saw the morning dew betwixt thine thighs [02:58.47]As I removed my source of Grecian power [03:00.75]As if King Midas dared to touch the skies [03:03.39]Upon thy body fell a golden shower [03:10.30]Thy body's temples, two church bells had rung [03:13.45]Upon thy chest, a row of pearls bestowed [03:15.73]The sun had set, thy set with wary hung [03:18.73]I thought, "How black a night and blue a lode" [03:26.09]I said, "What light through yonder beaver breaks? [03:28.22]It is the yeast" [03:35.34]And now my belly's yellow [03:36.51]My pole gives cause to storms and earthy quakes [03:39.45]But 'tis not massive, I am no Othello [03:45.36]And when that final moment came to pass [03:47.43]Like Christ I came-a riding on an ass [03:49.62]Thank you very much [04:00.96]William Shakespeare, uh [04:03.75]William Shakespeare was a verbal cun-tortionist [04:05.70]He could bend his words in the way a contortionist bends his frame without hope that he could with a name like William Shakespeare [04:10.77]William Shakespeare, some, some of you seem lost, look [04:12.90]Say your name was Robert Frost and you couldn't write, that would suck [04:15.99]Well, I guess you could always go as Bobby Frost and own an ice cream truck [04:19.44]He was balanced like a simile and could stack metaphor five, six at a time and rhyme into the very last line of a soliloquy which finally said outright with a previous 77 rolling hinting at [04:29.16]He had puns and quips and tons of trips of sons with ships with nuns with hips and buns and lips, but I had something that Shakespeare never had [04:41.59]Penicillin [04:42.07]See, it hadn't been invented yet, back then they only had "quill"-icillin [04:45.34]Hey, it's not that hard, bard [04:46.93]I'm sorry, I got a bone to pick with you, William [04:48.31]So if you could just listen up here and listen to this theater queer's theater query here and maybe act like a real artist for once in your life [04:53.86]Say Van Gogh, and [04:55.09]Lend me your ear [04:56.08]You're not a writer [04:57.28]You're a writer like f**king Hulk Hogan's a street fighter [04:59.32]You write these dramas [05:00.19]You accumulate your wealth [05:01.21]You hold nature as to a mirror of yourself [05:04.27]Just because you're messed up doesn't mean we are too [05:05.74]Just because you want to bang your mom doesn't mean Danish princes do, what [05:09.13]Who? Yeah, Hamlet, Shakespeare, that's right, the young prince whose father died at the hands of his uncle with whom his mother lied, sound familiar? [05:14.80]It's the f**king Lion King [05:22.16]You stole from a Disney movie, you androgynous douche, what's next [05:24.74]The story of a French king on a quest to find his lost son, Nemo? [05:31.10]Oh, and by the way, poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f**king sense make [05:44.33]"To be, or not to be [05:47.17]That is the question, whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune [05:51.70]Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them? To die [05:58.24]To sleep, no more, and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to [06:05.09]'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep [06:10.00]To sleep, perchance to dream, ay [06:12.37]There's the rub, for in that sleep of death what [06:15.28]Dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause" [06:23.48]Pft, like what? [06:39.59]This next song is about quantum mechanics [06:41.54](Hits random keys on the piano) [06:42.65]This next song.... [06:49.29]I was raised very well, like a field of corn [06:51.60]You know, I was also raised very Christian, like the Children of the Corn [06:55.62]And Christians get angry at me 'cause I say things like, "Why the long nose, Pope-nocchio?" [06:59.91]They'll think I'll go to Hell [07:01.82]The truth is, I've been to Christian Hell [07:03.71]And I actually wrote a song about it [07:07.52]Hitler was there [07:08.75]And so were all the Jews, yeah [07:11.12]So it got a little awkward
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[00:00.00]90听音乐网 www.90T8.com[00:00.12]Haikus/sonnet/shakespeare - Bo Burnham
[00:00.75]We've been doing a lot of laughing
[00:02.53]Which is good, uh, for a comedy show on a comedy CD, but what we haven't been doing is a lot of thinking
[00:06.70]And I'd like to do that now, I've written some haikus
[00:08.59]Haikus are Japanese poems consisting of 17 syllables, three lines
[00:12.31]Five, seven, five
[00:13.48]And I find them to have a certain
[00:15.13]Philosophical construct, there's a certain, uh
[00:17.59]Soundness in their simplicity, a clearness in their cogency, if you will
[00:20.65]So hopefully what we'll do right now is read these haikus, think for a bit
[00:24.46]And then when we go back, uh, to the
[00:26.74]You know, the jokes and the laughing
[00:28.51]They'll have benefited, uh, from the time we took to think
[00:31.81]So um, you guys just sit back and indulge me and just think for a bit and then we'll go back to the jokes
[00:36.37]Uh, can I get some blue light to set the mood?
[00:41.21]Perfect
[00:42.51]For those of you listening on CD, the lights didn't change which made it funny
[00:59.12]I saw a rainbow
[01:00.48]On the day my grandma died
[01:03.68]F**kin' lesbian
[01:12.78](Ding)
[01:17.32]For fifteen cents a
[01:18.49]Day you can feed an African
[01:22.14]They eat pennies
[01:23.64](Ding)
[01:31.76]Old peoples' skin sags
[01:33.47]Because it's being pulled toward
[01:34.82]The underworld
[01:37.28](Ding)
[01:43.76]Do unto others
[01:45.59]As you would have them do to you
[01:49.09]Said the rapist
[01:52.99](Ding)
[01:56.93]My aunt used to say
[02:00.53]Slow and steady wins the race
[02:07.51]She died in a fire
[02:11.92](Ding)
[02:16.81]Even if he is
[02:17.68]Your friend, never, ever call
[02:20.05]An Asian person
[02:24.56](Ding)
[02:32.74]And finally
[02:34.61]Bono, if you want
[02:35.85]To help poor people, sell your
[02:37.29]Tinted shades, you cunt
[02:42.54](Ding)
[02:49.83]Thank you, this next piece is called "Sonnet 155", or "If Shakespeare Had Written a Porn", and it goes like this
[02:55.92]I saw the morning dew betwixt thine thighs
[02:58.47]As I removed my source of Grecian power
[03:00.75]As if King Midas dared to touch the skies
[03:03.39]Upon thy body fell a golden shower
[03:10.30]Thy body's temples, two church bells had rung
[03:13.45]Upon thy chest, a row of pearls bestowed
[03:15.73]The sun had set, thy set with wary hung
[03:18.73]I thought, "How black a night and blue a lode"
[03:26.09]I said, "What light through yonder beaver breaks?
[03:28.22]It is the yeast"
[03:35.34]And now my belly's yellow
[03:36.51]My pole gives cause to storms and earthy quakes
[03:39.45]But 'tis not massive, I am no Othello
[03:45.36]And when that final moment came to pass
[03:47.43]Like Christ I came-a riding on an ass
[03:49.62]Thank you very much
[04:00.96]William Shakespeare, uh
[04:03.75]William Shakespeare was a verbal cun-tortionist
[04:05.70]He could bend his words in the way a contortionist bends his frame without hope that he could with a name like William Shakespeare
[04:10.77]William Shakespeare, some, some of you seem lost, look
[04:12.90]Say your name was Robert Frost and you couldn't write, that would suck
[04:15.99]Well, I guess you could always go as Bobby Frost and own an ice cream truck
[04:19.44]He was balanced like a simile and could stack metaphor five, six at a time and rhyme into the very last line of a soliloquy which finally said outright with a previous 77 rolling hinting at
[04:29.16]He had puns and quips and tons of trips of sons with ships with nuns with hips and buns and lips, but I had something that Shakespeare never had
[04:41.59]Penicillin
[04:42.07]See, it hadn't been invented yet, back then they only had "quill"-icillin
[04:45.34]Hey, it's not that hard, bard
[04:46.93]I'm sorry, I got a bone to pick with you, William
[04:48.31]So if you could just listen up here and listen to this theater queer's theater query here and maybe act like a real artist for once in your life
[04:53.86]Say Van Gogh, and
[04:55.09]Lend me your ear
[04:56.08]You're not a writer
[04:57.28]You're a writer like f**king Hulk Hogan's a street fighter
[04:59.32]You write these dramas
[05:00.19]You accumulate your wealth
[05:01.21]You hold nature as to a mirror of yourself
[05:04.27]Just because you're messed up doesn't mean we are too
[05:05.74]Just because you want to bang your mom doesn't mean Danish princes do, what
[05:09.13]Who? Yeah, Hamlet, Shakespeare, that's right, the young prince whose father died at the hands of his uncle with whom his mother lied, sound familiar?
[05:14.80]It's the f**king Lion King
[05:22.16]You stole from a Disney movie, you androgynous douche, what's next
[05:24.74]The story of a French king on a quest to find his lost son, Nemo?
[05:31.10]Oh, and by the way, poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f**king sense make
[05:44.33]"To be, or not to be
[05:47.17]That is the question, whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
[05:51.70]Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them? To die
[05:58.24]To sleep, no more, and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to
[06:05.09]'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep
[06:10.00]To sleep, perchance to dream, ay
[06:12.37]There's the rub, for in that sleep of death what
[06:15.28]Dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause"
[06:23.48]Pft, like what?
[06:39.59]This next song is about quantum mechanics
[06:41.54](Hits random keys on the piano)
[06:42.65]This next song....
[06:49.29]I was raised very well, like a field of corn
[06:51.60]You know, I was also raised very Christian, like the Children of the Corn
[06:55.62]And Christians get angry at me 'cause I say things like, "Why the long nose, Pope-nocchio?"
[06:59.91]They'll think I'll go to Hell
[07:01.82]The truth is, I've been to Christian Hell
[07:03.71]And I actually wrote a song about it
[07:07.52]Hitler was there
[07:08.75]And so were all the Jews, yeah
[07:11.12]So it got a little awkward
