[00:00.00]90听音乐网 www.90T8.com [00:06.96]Theoretical xxxx jokes/statistics - Bo Burnham [00:09.99]I wanted to be a physicist when I was younger, and I wanted to also be a comedian. But, only one of those sort of worked out, so I'd like to try to do both, though, now in a bit that I call "Theoretical xxxx Joxes." It goes like this: [00:10.02]My penis is so small that I have trouble finding it 'cause it's so greatly influenced by one mechanical fluctuation in the fabric of space-time. And, when I'm having intercourse with a woman, she can only know where my penis is or how fast it's moving because it's small enough and light enough to be fully-governed by the Heisenberg uncertainty principle. "I've got an eating disorder." Yeah,.... more like nutritional entropy. So.... [00:30.02]I never said it was funny, so stop staring at me. [00:33.94]Segue-ways are weird. [00:35.05]How old is too old to stop believing in like the Tooth Fairy? .... like twleve? [00:38.74]I have a cousin who is eighteen. .... yeah. .... still believes in gay marriage. [01:23.61].... White people. [01:24.75]Think we've been through enough.... ? [01:43.44]I find numbers to be fascinating and, more specifically than numbers, I find statistics so...enlightening. You know.... thought-provoking even. So, I've gathered some here, and these are all 100% true. When you leave this theatre and enter the world devoid of art, you can check these, and they will come back because they are true. So, I don't want to blow your mind or anything but maybe you'll hear one of these and go, "Whoa, I never thought of that!" You know? So, these are my statistics: [01:43.44]Approximately 33.33% of the Jonas Brothers have diabetes. [01:54.18]One in every four kids with the initials A.D.D. actually has it, and four out of four kids with the initials A.D.H.D. has an annoying, self-righteous mother who wouldn't just shut the f**k up and take her husband's last name. [02:12.14]Here's a fun one. One of every fourty-four U.S. presidents can dunk. It's f**king Millard Filmoore, you racists. [02:27.82]The average child of Sarah Palin has 46.2 chromosomes. [02:34.18]Can't get angry at the numbers, you know what I mean? [02:45.24]Here's a really interesting one. The average person has one fallopian tube. [02:55.30]20% of the Jackson Five...too soon... [03:05.11]The average penis length is 5-and-a-half inches, and finally, the average penis length of a man who Googles "average penis length" is 3-and-a-half inches.
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[00:00.00]90听音乐网 www.90T8.com[00:06.96]Theoretical xxxx jokes/statistics - Bo Burnham
[00:09.99]I wanted to be a physicist when I was younger, and I wanted to also be a comedian. But, only one of those sort of worked out, so I'd like to try to do both, though, now in a bit that I call "Theoretical xxxx Joxes." It goes like this:
[00:10.02]My penis is so small that I have trouble finding it 'cause it's so greatly influenced by one mechanical fluctuation in the fabric of space-time. And, when I'm having intercourse with a woman, she can only know where my penis is or how fast it's moving because it's small enough and light enough to be fully-governed by the Heisenberg uncertainty principle. "I've got an eating disorder." Yeah,.... more like nutritional entropy. So....
[00:30.02]I never said it was funny, so stop staring at me.
[00:33.94]Segue-ways are weird.
[00:35.05]How old is too old to stop believing in like the Tooth Fairy? .... like twleve?
[00:38.74]I have a cousin who is eighteen. .... yeah. .... still believes in gay marriage.
[01:23.61].... White people.
[01:24.75]Think we've been through enough.... ?
[01:43.44]I find numbers to be fascinating and, more specifically than numbers, I find statistics so...enlightening. You know.... thought-provoking even. So, I've gathered some here, and these are all 100% true. When you leave this theatre and enter the world devoid of art, you can check these, and they will come back because they are true. So, I don't want to blow your mind or anything but maybe you'll hear one of these and go, "Whoa, I never thought of that!" You know? So, these are my statistics:
[01:43.44]Approximately 33.33% of the Jonas Brothers have diabetes.
[01:54.18]One in every four kids with the initials A.D.D. actually has it, and four out of four kids with the initials A.D.H.D. has an annoying, self-righteous mother who wouldn't just shut the f**k up and take her husband's last name.
[02:12.14]Here's a fun one. One of every fourty-four U.S. presidents can dunk. It's f**king Millard Filmoore, you racists.
[02:27.82]The average child of Sarah Palin has 46.2 chromosomes.
[02:34.18]Can't get angry at the numbers, you know what I mean?
[02:45.24]Here's a really interesting one. The average person has one fallopian tube.
[02:55.30]20% of the Jackson Five...too soon...
[03:05.11]The average penis length is 5-and-a-half inches, and finally, the average penis length of a man who Googles "average penis length" is 3-and-a-half inches.
